“The Mike Bocchetti Show Scripts”(print/written)

The Mike Bocchetti Show Scripts

Bocchetti was the sidekick on the Direct TV Networks “The Artie Lange Show”

The Premise of these vignettes is Mike and his own sidekicks and Lackeys. Secretly using the Artie Lange set as their own whenever Artie isn’t there.

 These were for promos for the Artie Lange show.

The Mike Bocchetti Show Episode #1

Josh Spear
Mike Bocchetti

Mike is using Artie Lang’s studio like it is his own studio when Artie isn’t there and doesn’t know.


Homemade “Mike Bocchetti Show” Sign behind him and
people are scrambling around like any TV set.

Ladies and gentleman welcome to the
Miikkkkkeeee Bochetttiii Show! With
your Star and host, Mike Bocchetti!
Claps applause and cheering

Thank you thank you, welcome to my
show. You guys are really nice
thank you! (Long pause)Do I have a

Pizza delivery Guy walks into the studio, everyone turns to
look at startled pizza guy.

uh, I got an extra-large with

Yes yes, sit thank you that’s
Pizza guy sits in guest chair and Mike opens box and starts
opening eating and asking questions

Welcome to the show, your my first
guest, you’re the Bill Murry to my
Letterman, so what do you do?

I’m the Pizza Guy and I deliver
your pizza and you pay me and give
me a pretty good tip then I do it
again somewhere else.

that’s great thank you, you must
love your job

not really I used to be an
investment banker, until I lost my
job in the recession

that’s really great

you going to pay me or what
Mike starts eating pizza and forgets to answer the pizza guy
for uncomfortably long silence. Announcer gives Pizza Guy
money and he gets up to leave. Mike stands up and hugs him
and wipes hands on him at same time

Thank you so much, we have to have
you back, your great for live TV,
ill love what you do! Your good for
ratings your better then Charles
Groden, give it up for this guy
pizza and personality
someone yells at the top of their lungs

Artie’s coming up in the elevator
everyone hides scrambles and grab’s Mikes sign


Mike Bocchetti Show Episode # 2

Josh Spear

Mike Bocchetti
Mike is using Artie Lang’s studio like it is his own studio
with a homemade “Mike Bocchetti Show” Sign behind him and
people are scrambling around like any TV set.

Ladies and gentleman welcome to the Miikkkkkeeee Bochetttiii
Show! With your Star and host, Mike Bocchetti!

Thank you, you guys are great,
welcome to the second episode of my
show, last week we had the Pizza
delivery guy and he was really
great, I hope this guest is half as
good. Please welcome a good friend
of mine…I bring him on the road
with me as my headliner he closes
all my shows for me…Josh Spear
Josh enters to the claps from whoever is around

Most comics like Artie bring an
opening act but I don’t like doing
more than 20 minutes because I’m too
much of a big shot so I go on and
then make this guy finish for me.

thanks for having me Mike

I have known Josh for 20 years,
you’re lucky I got this gig or you’d
still be doing open mics.

you’re the boss Mike

I know, what’s it like working with a
stud like me

it’s pretty glamorous

what’s it like getting the hot
chic’s that I reject

it’s cool because your rejects are
hotter then Maroon Fives keepers

I know right! You should meet the
Pizza guy from my last show he was
a great guest.

I saw that, it was compelling

How did you like putting me in this
diaper for my calendar
hold up his calendar?

that wasn’t me, I told you I’d

Then who was it?
Shot of Matt and Joel

your lucky guys, I’ll have you on
next week

Artie’s coming up in the elevator!

I’ll have him on soon too!
Everyone hides scrambles and grab’s Mikes sign


Mike Bocchetti Episode # 3

Mike Bocchetti

Mike is using Artie Lange’s studio like it is his own studio
with a home made “Mike Bocchetti Show” sign behind him and
people are scrambling around like any TV set. In this
episode Mike and his sidekick, Josh, are sitting at Artie’s
desk eating Chinese food.

Ladies and gentleman welcome to the
Miikkkkkeeee Bochetttiii Show! With
your star and host, Mike Bocchetti!
A man who put the love in love. A
guy that’s soo smooth peanut butter
sued for copyright infringement. A
guy that Elvis and Andy Kaufman ask
for advice. A guy that’s done one
thousand road gigs and never driven
a car. A man with one week of
military experience. The King of
sandwiches and pizza, the Ayatollah
of Country Western and Rock n Roll.
A dog among cat’s. Lean like a gigantic sex machine.
Mike and Josh continue to eat. A member of the crew comes
over and grabs an egg roll. No one is paying attention to
Maddog’s intro.


A baller and a bowler and ex-diver.
A guy who knows when to hold them,
when to fold them, when to walk
away and when to run. Mike does
count his money when he is sitting
at the table. A monster of Twitter
and Rock. The face of Facebook. He
is the social network. The king of
comedy, the Joe Pesci of this crew,
the Johnny Carson of the Mike
Bocchetti Show. A leather jacket
among wind breakers. Hipper then a
hipster, cooler then ice and dry
ice. I love him like a brother. The
Michael Jordon of both basketball
and baseball baby, any sport with a
B! Including bocci ball. The Derek
Jeter of the Mets.

The crew continues to eat, oblivious to Maddog’s continued


and his super cool sidekick—

Artie’s in the elevator.
Everyone scrambles and removes the Mike Bocchetti Show sig

“Where I stand””(written/print & audio)


Standing Room Only


I stand everywhere, even in places they presume I shouldn’t. Standing on the wrong side of the yellow tape and the blue wooden horses.

Finding myself on my own two feet in different locations, walking a mile in someone else’s shoes, sleeping in someone else’s bed, when they were there… and when they weren’t.

Balancing on a fire escape ladder in Chinatown, and listening to Claudia’s music.

A presidential candidate stood next to me. He dare not tell me I’m fired. Did some sitting and smoking and joking with his impersonator that films live on Saturday Night.

Laid down in mansions, condos, apartments, cabins, campers, parks, streets, and beaches.

Time spent around givers and takers. Trend killers and style makers.

Sat back stage with passes, don’t want to be one of the masses.

Watched the Matrix and traveled through the Matrix in a bullet proof Beemer driven by Morpheus.

Stood above the law and have been laid down by the law. Stood in Harlem on One Twenty five, where Carlos Santana’s live music kept me alive.

Said I do and I flew around the globe, too. Landed on land where the people had a different flag in their hand.

Stood on top of the twin towers and on stage at least 10,000 hours.

I’ve gotten an education in street life and the nightlife of glitter and glamour.

Stood outside a nightclub with a velvet rope in my hand deciding where others would stand. Gardened and washed dishes and hit nails with hammers.

Served people their breakfast, lunch, and dinners. Stood in the right place at the right time and the wrong place at the wrong time, all at the same time.

Sat and drove for one month straight, never late, and by the time I stopped I stood in thirty-three city’s, five deserts, two mountain ranges, a Gulf, a Great Lake, and two oceans.

Been very poor and know of touch of wealthy, too, middles class, manifests my fears of wasted years.

Stood near rain and fires, truth tellers and liars, and heard decisions made by religions. Stayed in a Hilton and meant two Hiltons while out the window on the street I saw junkies pull needles from their feet.

Stood alone and in solidarity, on principle, in the way, off to the side, to close to the edge, on stage, powerless, penniless, prideful, among those less and more fortunate.

One last element to be free, a university, degree, to see, the proper way to write my destiny. So till the next adventure, assignment, person, new friend, recording in this room is where I stand.

My name is Josh Spear and I am Rutgers Newark.